Lou and the Shelf Stretcher

In the early 60's, before I went in the Army, and in the late 60's, after I got out, I worked for Delchamps grocery in Pensacola.

After I got back from the Army, the Delchamps folks took me back and put me on the night stock crew at their Mobile Highway store, out near the Circle. Shortly after I started, the stock crew chief, Larry Poole, took a transfer to another store, and I became night stock crew chief. It was while working there that I took part in one of the few practical jokes I ever helped pull.

Since night stock crew only took a few hours a week, most of the night crew, including myself, worked stock during the days to make our 40 hours. I often worked with a guy named Doug. Doug was, well, to put it mildly, a little nuts.

One day a new bagboy was hired. His name was Lou, and you couldn't hope to meet a nicer guy, but he was naive. To the bagboys, stockers were a step up the food chain anyway and a couple of steps short of management.

One day, the manager, Kenneth McLemore, also a nice guy, but not the least bit naive, was out of the store for a few minutes. As Doug and I walked up to the front, we noticed Lou bagging groceries for a lady. We were in the elevated office with a clear view of the checkout. Doug picked up the microphone and paged, "Lou. Come to the office when you're finished."

Lou came up right away, and Doug said, "Lou, I noticed you put the eggs and tomatoes on the top of the bags. They might fall out and get broken. You need to put them in the bottom of the bag and put a couple of things on top to make sure they stay in."

Lou listened intently, but with a confused look on his face. "I thought we weren't supposed to do it the way I did it!"

Doug asked angrily, "Are you questioning me?"

Lou immediately said, "No, Doug. I guess I was confused."

He went back down to help another customer. I watched him while Doug looked for some supplies. Finally I picked up the microphone and paged, "Lou. Please report to the office, now."

Doug looked up. "Now what?"

I replied, "He put tomatos in the bottom of the bag and was putting cans on top...just like YOU told him. If Kenneth finds out...."

Just then, Lou came back into the office. Doug explained that he had just been joking, and told Lou to go back and fix the lady's bag. Lou came back over and he started explaining how we knew so much and he was still trying to learn everything. He went on to say that he wished that he could get off the front and help us work stock.

Doug looked at him and then winked at me.

"Lou, do you want to help us out?"

Lou nodded.

"Well, Don and I need to set up a display up front here, but we need a shelf stretcher. Would you go in the back and get us one?"

Lou was off like a shot. He was back in a few minutes, with a worried look on his face.

"I looked all over the stockroom," he said, "but I couldn't find anything that looked like one."

Here came my contribution,

"Hey, I think I saw it back in the incinerator room."

Back in those days, we burned the excess boxes and other garbage.

Lou headed towards the back again.

Now, it was Summer in Florida, and we had used the incinerator that morning, so the incinerator room was sweltering AND FILTHY! You could not move in there without getting soot all over yourself, and we wore white shirts!

While Lou was in the back, the store manager, Kenneth McLemore, came in the front door. Kenneth always wore a gold blazer and looked starched and neat. He had worked his way up from bagboy to store manager, and he was a great guy, but he ran a tight ship...no nonsense.

We were ready to split to the back and pull Lou off the hunt for a shelf stretcher, but Kenneth caught us by surprise.

"What are you guys doing hanging around up front?"

Before we could answer, Lou came up, red-faced, dripping sweat, and with soot all over his clothes, face, and hands.

"What's going on?" asked Kenneth with a little edge in his voice and a slightly brittle smile on his face.

Before we could answer, eager Lou piped up, "I was helping Doug and Don set up a display. They asked me to find a shelf stretcher for them." All this with a happy smile on his face.

Kenneth looked at Doug, looked at me, back at Doug, and said, "Come up to my office, now!"

The jig was up. Kenneth was going to fry us. Doug, Lou, and I began to follow him. Suddenly he stopped, turned to Lou and said, "Lou, the reason you couldn't find a shelf stretcher in the back was because I lent it to the manager of the Red and White Grocery by the McDonald's on Navy Boulevard. Do you have your car here?"

Lou nodded.

"Okay," said Kenneth, "I want you to drive down to the Red and White and tell the manager we want our shelf stretcher back. He was supposed to return it last month. Make sure you let him know how mad I am that he didn't return it."

Lou nodded again and bolted out the door, a man (boy) with a mission.

Kenneth headed for the office with us in tow.

"I'm going to get you guys for this!" but he was smiling.

He pulled out the phone book, found the number to Red and White, and called. He asked for the manager, and once he got him on the phone, briefed him on what was going on.

After hanging up, he turned to us and said, "He's going to give Lou a hard time and will call us back."

A few minutes later the phone rang, and Kenneth talked to the caller for a while. It was obvious that it was the other store manager with his report.

After he hung up, he said, "Lou got there and gave him my message and he told Lou to tell me that I was crazy and that he had returned the shelf stretcher weeks ago. He added a few obscene remarks about me and Delchamps and told Lou to get the hell out of his store.

A few minutes later, Lou pulled back into the parking lot and rushed into the store with a woeful but angry look on his face. Lou was a good guy, and somebody like that talking that way about Kenneth and Delchamps really upset him.

Kenneth played with him for a couple more minutes and then let him in on what had happened. At first, Lou was upset, but after a while, he began to talk about how the joke had been on him.

Several years later, I stopped at a Delchamps store in Gulf Breeze (now known as Bruno's), and the manager was, you guessed it, Lou. Delchamps went out of business several years ago, and I don't know where anybody is that I used to work with, but I can still see everybody's face as Lou walked up covered with soot, eager as a puppy, as Kenneth realized what was going on.